What happens....when you commit to change, to make a difference....to live a better life....only to repeat the act again. The shame that is felt....the guilt...the weight in your chest that can't be shaken off. The feeling of failure. Like there is no hope.
A dear friend recently wrote: "We can't let dwelling on past mistakes affect how we perform in the future. We can't let those things bog us down so we forget the tasks we have ahead." You can read her full post here. I really needed to hear those words today.
I am a very selfish person so I will talk about myself for a few moments. I chose what defines me. The small decisions I make molds my whole character. In a time period of mostly good mistakes, I'm feeling good and confident. During times when I make consistently not-so-great decisions I feel not good and rather confused. I don't feel like myself.
I know that I have a life full of potential. And I'm excited to live it! I know it won't be perfect. I know there will be many dips and hurtles and walls to break through. But I also know through diligent perseverance to try to make the right decision, eventually change will come. Mistakes are not landslides into the dark abyss. They are moments of learning. Don't learn it the first time, it will keep coming until you do learn it. I'm learning that the hard way. I wish I could document how many times I've relearned this same lesson. "Attempt #6,273." But I am confident in my ability to grow. I know that on "Attempt #11,291" I'll be better prepared and each time will get easier. Well, off to bed to try again tomorrow. Sometimes that is all we can do.
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